Stop The Madness 
 

The people of Flounder Creek should consider themselves lucky that all is relatively peaceful. Oh sure we have the occasional diesel fuel dumping and every once in a while some restaurant will empty their septic tank in the river, assuming that nobody’s looking. But all in all it’s pretty skippy 
 
          This cannot be said for our  southerly neighbors. In Brunswick just this week they had an all out war protest.

          I was at the Atlantic National Bank trying to convince a loan officer that a guitar was sufficient collateral for a hundred thousand dollar loan when lo and behold right across the street at the Glynn, County courthouse all hell broke loose. Pandemonium was the only word I could think of to describe the situation. There were the Bush lovers on one corner and the regular people on the other. Shouting and flipping fingers at one another and generally acting up like hippies of the sixties. It was cool. I guess nobody had informed these morons that a peace sign was made with two fingers.

      The Bush people were actually at an advantage because they got there first and procured the corner that had a tree, so they protested in the shade while the regular stem cell suckers had to march in the noon day boiling sun. Without exaggerating I can honestly say that it was hot as the inside of a goat. The scorching sun made them a little more aggressive than the war mongers.

      The picket signs were pretty mundane for the most part on the Bush side. “Support the troops,” and “I drive a Hummer” seemed to be the standard. While on the regular folks corner they had put much more thought into the signage.  Sandwich boards and cardboard placards with messages such as “Eradicate mad cowboy disease,”  and “Bush would rather flush a stem cell down the toilet than cure sugar diabetes.” With 35 million Americans suffering from the dreaded disease and spending a minimum of hundred dollars a month for insulin, why would we want to

cure that little cash cow.                                                                                        

          A five gallon bucket full of stem cells could put the insulin pushers out on the street with the Polio people. Once Jonas Saulk whipped up a batch polio vaccine , he was dropped like a hot rock from the party-planners A-list.

       These regular folks seemed to be getting on the Bush bubba’s last nerve if you get my drift. One lady started screaming at the top of her lungs that Bush was a wonderful human being, and his daddy was a wonderful man and Laura wore beautiful pant suits. I thought she was gonna blow a gasket before she stated that the twins only got stoned, drank too much and puked because it was the social thing to do in Texas.

      LaShayShay Flapp who was just leaving the court house where she had been to DUI court screamed across the street at the lady and told her that she was going to come over there and whip her a--. But before she could get the last word out she was whisked away by a cafeteria security officer who had been assigned to keep the peas.

      One spurned mayoral candidate showed up with a ‘Stop racism in America’ sign that she perhaps had left over from the Nuwaubian protest last year. The reason I say ‘perhaps’ is that the sign wasn’t as new as the others. It had most likely been used for 200 years

      I was growing tired and bored of the protest and wanting to get back to my banking business when the loan officer got out a poster board and a magic marker and started writing and ignoring me completely. The next thing I knew he was on the corner carrying a sign that read ‘ Check out our new Money Market accounts. Prepare for your future now.”

      Well I learned a valuable lesson from this protest and the banking experience. Flounder Creek is a wonderful, laid back place to be, and if you must have a protest, get a protesting celebrity such as Bob Dylan or Jane Fonda. And last but not least, get to the protest site early so you can get a stake on the shade tree, because as everyone knows, ‘It’s better to pet the sweaty things, than to sweat the petty things.”

      Power to the people...